// GROUNDED IN MY CHOICE

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When I was in my 20’s I would dream about my future life. I would dream about my future husband, the company of my dreams, the kind of people I would have around me, where I would live, what my home would look like. It felt good to talk about it — it felt real and attainable, I could live in that fantasy world forever. Your mid 30’s is weird. You sort of come to a crossroads of confronting the intersection of your dreams verse your reality. You’re either moving in the direction of your dreams, or you’re not.

The profound significance of choice is twofold. Firstly, it is an immense privilege, and secondly, the collective weight of your choices will eventually shape your life. If you're not intentional or attentive with each choice, even the seemingly insignificant ones, you might one day wake up and wonder, "How did I end up here?" About a month ago, I woke up with an overpowering wave of anxiety running through my body. My initial thought that day was, "Am I doing this right?". Like… wait… am I doing this right? It felt heavy and scary and real and raw. My path has been different than most of the people around me. I broke up with the guys I was supposed to marry, I dropped out of programs, quit jobs that didn’t feel right, serendipitously navigated my way to and through New York City, then Miami, then LA. Somehow this unique path has led me to where I am today, having this conversations with you from my studio in Toronto @ 9:07 pm on a Thursday night. I love my job, I love my clients, I love what we are building for CKD. Just no one tells you how consuming building a business of your dreams will be. It's not a matter of "can be"; it is. It's a 24/7 commitment. It’s writing a blog post at 9:07 pm on a Thursday night because I would rather work tonight than be out. But shouldn’t I be out meeting my future husband? Shouldn’t I be in my dream house already? Shouldn’t I have at least one child? Instead I find myself alone in my studio. So, am I doing this right?

I was having dinner with one of my best friends, Masha, and in the midst of my ramblings, she interrupted me and said, "Candice, stop resisting – ground yourself in your choices." Every choice I've made has brought me to where I am today, and I'm proud of those choices. What's beautiful about choice is that it's never a one-way street; you have the power to change your mind. Even seemingly minor shifts in direction can have a profound impact on your life because they represent movement towards something new. I've learned that every choice or decision I've made has played a role in shaping the woman I've become. If i've made a mistake, I own that mistake, and I cherish it, it's uniquely mine, and the lesson it brings is part of my story.
I've recently made some personal changes in my life and as a result certain individuals have naturally exited my life. The new choices I'm making for myself today involve letting go and accepting that what's meant to stay will, while what's meant to leave was never meant to stay in the first place. I'm not resisting it. Instead, I'm choosing to flow with it. It’s a forward fall. It almost feels like life's way of opening new doors, leading to a fresh way of being and allowing you to see yourself and your self-worth in a new light.

Last night, as I was looking through the photos on my phone from January 1 to today. Over the years, there have been times when it felt like my business, CKD, took significant leaps, and there were other years when I felt substantial personal growth. However, this year has been different—it's been a year of growth for both CKD and myself as an individual. Looking at photos from January of this year, I hardly recognize the person I see in them. And I love it :)

I screenshot and uploaded some of my favorite moments with the people I love. These photos aren't necessarily about huge career achievements; they're the in-between. Like, the photo of Betsy and I at the Komodo Dallas opening is one of my favourites. Her and her bf drove all the way from Houston. The moments in LA with Muna, New York bottles of wine with D. Prince, riding horses an hour outside of Mexico City with my best friends, drunk Nobu nights with Dominique, last minute vegas trips with my mom, Saint Tropez with Alizee’s family. As I looked through all of these photos I was like damn.. look at all of these incredible people in my life that I can call my family. Who needs the dream house right now. It’s not the time. Everything will fall into place when it is time. I fully trust that now and understand what Masha meant. Grounding myself in my choices also allows the space to feel gratitude for them all. And guess what, if I want to change direction I can. Choice. What a beautiful thing.

// EVOLUTION

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iCandi entry 2013 @ 11:54 pm: “one day I will turn this blog into a book”
📸 of a few pages in the making from the CKD Book about the journey to date [coming soon]. This section is called “Evolution”
I am tracing this section back to before I knew about the world of textile, to the early days that began with a blog called iCandi. As I dig through the archives I realize I am still very much this girl today. She’s just evolved. The decade of lessons that gradually taught me the invaluable lesson of believing in myself.

// MONTREAL - A DELIGHTFUL ESCAPE

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5 hours on the train, I find myself in Montreal—a city that has always held a special place in my heart. Croissant-filled mornings, the French accents, wine at 4 pm, vibey restaurants & cocktail bars. A world of joie de vivre. A delightful escape. I am working on a new restaurant in Miami opening this month so I went to see my suppliers to double check production before it was shipped out. This mural is the most detailed piece of artwork I have done. Over 10000 million hours of hand painting, layout correction, mural placement, color correction, cleaning, correcting, then correcting some more. I discovered a new level of mental endurance. K, back to painting butterflies. x C

// BTS CKD'S NEW LINE COMING SOON!

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You know that quote by Ira Glass? The one about the inevitable gap every beginner is going to go through when creating work? “It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close the gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions… it’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through. “ well it’s taken me almost a decade to get here. The new work coming out of CKD is a reflection of the patience, of all the work I’ve put out that didn’t feel quite right but didn’t give up. I’m stepping into the designer, artist and business woman I always dreamed off. The woman I always felt was inside of me but knew I wasn’t ready for her yet. I’ve worked my ass off just to get here, just to get to my official beginning. This is feels like day one.

// SOME LATELY

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The work load has been heavy. Trying to be intentional with moments of downtime to rest and breathe and to just be. There is a lot going on, and it’s stuff I used to dream about being a part of. I am thankful for all of it, just no one tells you about how much work it truly is :) K back to painting butterflies. Happy Sunday! x

// A RESET

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Hello from Canada :) I spent last weekend in nature with my friends and fam. A reset. A weekend with no phone, no work, no computer. Just my camera. I am teaching myself how to do nothing. I realized in LA I am pretty bad at it. I am very good at keeping myself very busy while alone. I never really sat alone and allowed myself to be bored. Allowed my mind to think about nothing. So I’ve been practicing, and the first couple times were awful. I have been going through some personal stuff lately that obviously came to the surface. So I would feel it for like 2 minutes then get uncomfortable and go on a hike. After the 4th or 5th time I didn’t run off and go on a hike, I sat with the stuff. and it wasn’t so bad. By the 8th or 10th time of doing this I realized that the silence, me, the aloneness was enough. It was a space that did not need to be filled with anything. It just was. I could just be.

August was a lot. The work load, the deadlines due, the Miami to LA back to Miami, the hotels to friend's homes back to hotels, to living out of suitcases, the rental cars. To trying to build a business in the middle of all of it. No one tells you how hard this is. It takes a lot of mental power to keep motivated and inspired through it all. To be able to be present for clients, and friends. I wouldn’t change it, but my new lesson is having check-ins with myself to make sure I am taking the breaks needed. Making the right choices - not just from my intuition but from my mind too.

It’s prep time for me. I’ve never felt so focused and sure on what is coming next. A rebirth is here. It came with the death or a shedding of parts of myself that no longer served me. Things really do happen in the perfect timing. The challenge is the patience and wait until it’s time. And when it is time you’ll feel it. I promise you, you’ll feel it. It’s like there is no other answer other than jump.

K, back to work Happy Friday x

// SHE'S WORKING!

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Hi from LA :) Just landed this morning straight on-site to the Moxy Hotel. The Houston Brothers are opening an insane concept called Level 8. LA is in for a treat :) I was on-site in Miami yesterday looking over a new project for Groot Hospitality. The artwork for this project is probably one of the most detailed CKD has done. 10000 hours and counting lol. Almost there. Other than that, I have a new collection coming out that I am in love with already. Watercolor leopard. The colorways are cool. Muna and I have some greatttttt things happening behind the scenes for the CKD book and the rebrand of the company. So many moving parts, but I oddly operate better and more efficient when I am busy. k back to work xx